Make a Fuss

My grandfather, Robert Christian, passed away the Sunday after Thanksgiving, a month and a day after his 82nd birthday.

It was expected, in so far as the death of a loved one can be. He had been in hospice care following a hospital stay for an infection where he also caught COVID. During that time, he made the decision to be placed in hospice care. 

I can't imagine what he must have been feeling when he made that decision. He expressed many times to my father that he "was ready to go home," an increasingly familiar sentiment from him as such a devout man. To me, it suggests he was simply tired.

During one of our update calls when my Papa was first put into hospice, I remember a phone call with my dad. We chatted for a bit about how he was doing, how great the staff at the care facility are, and we eventually discussed how my grandfather did not want many visitors while he was in hospice and when he passed he did not want to have a service. 

"That's what he said he wants so," my dad said and I could almost hear the silent shrug on the other end of the phone. 

I nodded even though he couldn't see me and through a breath, said, "Well, you know he never really liked it when people made a fuss."

"You are so right, that's exactly what it is," my dad replied with a note in his voice suggesting he hadn't thought of it that way before.

My grandfather could be described by some as a complicated man and to be perfectly honest, I did not know as much about him as I would have liked. What I do know is when he was younger, he was an alcoholic and it ultimately caused issues in his professional and personal life. It wasn't until the 80s when he had lost everything that my Papa decided he needed a change.

That change came in the form of a new relationship with God. While I am not a Christian personally, seeing his dedication and faith was always inspiring. He truly was a man of service. He spent many holidays eating with other families that were not his own to break bread. He would get invited to so many dinners that cold cuts became the common Christmas Day fare so he wouldn't have to try and eat another bite of Christmas Ham.

Of course none of that is to imply that my grandfather was a bad person in any way. On the contrary, he was easily one of the best people I will ever have the pleasure of being near. What it does illustrate, however, is that people are not just bad or just good. We are all a mix of our choices, the consequences of those choices, and what we decide to do next.

When I knew him, he had already become the soft spoken man with a slightly gravely voice who smelled like strong coffee that I will remember fondly. He also had a wicked sense of humor and a funny knack for making up words that he called "Bob-ish." I will always remember our special birthday dinners at Big Boy, just the two of us. I am the youngest of my siblings which meant it was not often I got to go places on my own when I was little, so to have those times just the two of us are cherished.

He was able to make those around him feel seen, feel special, and feel like the center of his attention for a while. Such a wonderful gift he was able to share with others and it makes me sad to think that at some point, he decided that to some extent he did not want that same attention paid to him.

What this all comes down to is not wanting others to make a fuss. Part of me believes that maybe my Papa didn't think he deserved to be in the spotlight whether because of his past or just because it wasn't his thing. Regardless of what it was, I will always wish that he did want us to make a fuss, that we could have visited and shared laughs and love.

I honor and respect his decision. It just made me realize that asking others to not make a fuss doesn't do what we think it does. We think it makes it so we are not a burden on others, but what it truly does is the opposite. When we don't let others make a fuss about us, we are actually burdening them with displaced love with no where to go.

So I guess what I want to say through all of this is make a fuss. Make a fuss about your family and your friends. Make a fuss and hype them up when they need it, be in their corner, and show up for them. 

Even more importantly, let them make a fuss about you. When people show you they want to be there for you, they want to celebrate your wins and help you up after your losses, let them. Simply allow yourself to be open to receiving that love and that care even if you don't think you need it.

As my grandfather did not want a service, my family is asking for any that would like to do something in his memory to please consider donating to The Omega House in Houghton, MI., or the VA Hospital

Rabbit Heart Designs: Valentine's Day New Releases

Y'all. 

When I tell you I am obsessed with this month's new releases, you have no clue how obsessed I actually am!

A few days ago, my Redbubble shop dropped 18 designs in our Valentine's Day drop. This collection is so cute and I am so happy with how the designs look together. 

Each design is available on a myriad of products from stickers to throw pillows to art prints and clothes. Here are a few of my favorites:

This Groovy Be Mine is possibly my most favorite. I love that it isn't in a traditional overly cutesy color scheme and it works well on different products!

I especially like it on a greeting card and a throw pillow!

Who doesn't love a classic heart pattern? This one is perfect on so many items from pet bandanas to coffee mugs, hardcover journals, and more!

Similar to the first Be Mine, I love this simple purple design. Not everyone likes the usual pinks and reds on Valentine's Day and those people deserve to be seen too! 

I love, love, love this design on a postcard, this tote bag, and a zipper pouch!

This fun kissing booth design was one of the first I made for Valentine's Day as a part of a collab with a few other designers on Instagram. I wanted it to be whimsical and the little neon touches are perfect for that. 

This design works particularly well on a throw pillow, a spiral notebook, and a postcard!

The last of my favorites is this hot pink gradient. I originally designed it as a part of this gradients collection, but I knew it would do well for Valentine's Day too!

I love it on a mouse pad, a mini skirt for a cute date night look, and a clock.

You can shop the whole collection of Valentine's Day designs here and don't forget to let me know in the comments which one is your favorite!

Book Review: The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

"She is Clarice Starling, young, vulnerable FBI trainee. He is Hannibal Lecter, brilliant, evil genius. There is a mesmerizing struggle between good and evil--designed to stop a killer, and guaranteed to chill your blood."

After finishing The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris, I don't understand the 4.20/5 rating it has on Goodreads - I think it should have 5/5. Not only was it well-written, but as I was reading I realized how close the movie actually is to the book. That made me excited to know that they kept it as close to the source material as possible because they knew how good it was.

Harris has a direct, but descriptive writing style that allowed him to grab my attention from the first few pages. He is able to tell a well-crafted story, but keep the prose simple enough that anyone could pick this up and enjoy it - even if reading isn't really their thing. 

From the cozy dormitories at the FBI Academy to the bellows of Buffalo Bill's basement, Harris easily places his reader as a careful observer to the action of the novel. But don't let that lull you into a false sense of security. While it might not be scary in the same way as a movie, Harris's writing will leave you covered in chills and wondering if that creak you heard was the house just shifting or someone coming to get you.

And it stems, unsurprisingly, from Hannibal Lecter. While Harris did not write many scenes with the Doctor, each one stands out and leaves the reader on edge. From his descriptions to the way that Lecter's dialogue cuts through the others in the scene, it is no surprise that he is one of the most prolific villains in literature.

As always when reading the book that is based on a movie, you have to be prepared for the differences. Unfortunately that usually also means coming to grips with the fact that after reading the book, the film will always be a little bit disappointing. That was also my experience with Silence of the Lambs, at least to some extent. 

Once I finished the book, the first thing I did was watch the movie on Netflix. And yes, like I mentioned before, they did a really good job at staying close to the book. However, there were some corners that they definitely cut in the film, some relationships that didn't get developed quite as well. 

Ultimately it was not enough to make me no longer like the movie as much, but I would highly suggest that you read it if you haven't and you love the film. You will really understand how perfect Sir Anthony Hopkins was as a casting choice for Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Easy 3 Ingredient Cobbler

I am not kidding when I say that this recipe is going to be your new favorite to put together in a scramble. Whether you need to bring dessert to a family gathering or you want something for your next girls' night, this cobbler is it.

With just three - you read that right, THREE - ingredients, this is the ultimate dump and bake cobbler that you can pop in the oven and carry on with your evening.

Even better? I was able to find everything I needed at my local Aldi, so not only is it quick, but it's budget-friendly as well!

After greasing up your 9x13 baking dish, dump both bags of your frozen fruit into the dish and spread evenly along the bottom. For this cobbler, I went with a mixed berry blend of strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries, but any combination of fruit that you enjoy will work! One combination I have been dying to try, but haven't yet is peaches and blackberries.

This next step is where this gets a little different than a typical cobbler recipe. Normally, you would sprinkle the cake mix over the fruit and then pour the Sprite on top of that, however, I did not like the way it turned out when I tried it that way. It just didn't get enough of a topping.

So instead, put the white cake mix in the mixing bowl and top with the Sprite. Mix well. 

Once mixed, pour over the fruit. Put the baking dish in an oven that has been preheated to 400 degrees Fahrenheit and bake until the top is golden brown and a knife comes out clean.

If you give this recipe a try, let me know how it turns out! I would love to know what fruit combinations you try!

EASY 3-INGREDIENT COBBLER RECIPE

What You Need

1 box of white cake mix

1 can (12 oz) of Sprite

2 lbs (6 cups) of frozen fruit

9x13 baking dish
Mixing bowl

Butter, to grease baking dish

Whipped topping (optional)

Directions

Preheat oven to 400°F

Grease a 9x13 dish with butter

Place the frozen fruit in the baking dish

In a separate bowl, put the cake mix and Sprite together, mix well

Once mixed, pour the batter over the frozen fruit

Bake until golden brown on top and a toothpick comes out clean

Let cool for 5 minutes before serving

My Work in Progress - Part 1

You guys have to know that I almost never share my work with anyone. And I mean it. There are probably four people I trust in this world to regularly read my creative pieces with no reservations, so please know that what I am doing here is really rare and should be handled delicately (read as: "I have a Leo Rising and have a hard time taking direct criticism).

That being said, I would like to share the beginning of my current work in progress. In an effort to be as transparent with my work as possible, you guys will always see my first, albeit lightly edited, first draft.

And please, do feel free to leave any thoughts in the comments below.

Here we go.

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Prologue

The echo of bare feet slapping against pavement was the only sound in the early morning hours of what was already promising to be an unseasonably hot day for Oak River. Even for the state of Washington in the middle of the summer, the air felt close and sticky. It had been an unseasonably warm summer and there was no indication that it was going to cool down any time soon. 

Along a deserted stretch of road, a young woman ran as fast as she could toward where she hoped she would find an occupied building of some kind. Even though she didn’t know where she was running to, she knew she could not stay where she was if she wanted to live.

The young woman kept looking over her shoulder as she ran which caused her to stumble and fall at least twice. Each time she picked herself off, ignored the cuts and bruises now forming on her knees and palms, and continued on in the same frantic pace as before.

After a few more minutes, she finally saw her salvation: one the large phones with the bright blue lights on top that meant help was just a few feet away.

“Campus Police, what is your emergency?”

“H-hello? I need help.”

“We are on the way now, the phone has your location.”

“I don’t have much time, I need help.”

“Hello, ma’am? You are breaking up, can you hear me?”

“I don’t know when they will be back, I need h-”

Eleanor

Eleanor Matthews was excited on her first day at Northern University, a small liberal arts college about three hours away from her hometown. Eleanor had always loved learning, so it was only natural that she felt positive going into another, albeit new, academic year. While it felt familiar, it was totally brand new all at the same time. This wasn’t high school anymore. Gone were the days where her entire academic life was pre-planned by the state of Washington, she was finally going to choose what she wanted to take, to learn about. She was excited to get to expand her horizons. She'd always felt confined by the course options she'd been given up until this point. Sure, she got to pick some of her electives, but the choices were always limited. When she got to the sixth grade and got to choose a foreign language, she had only two options: Spanish or German. Now in college, she could take seven different language courses if she wanted. 

It wasn’t just the expanded course selection that Eleanor was excited for. She was ready to see what was beyond her small town. In the few short weeks since she moved away from home, she had seen so many different kinds of people. It was such a change from her town where while diverse, no one stood out much. No one thought differently back - except for Eleanor, at least in her mind - they all conformed to the same ideals and she craved something else.

She was even still excited when she underestimated the walk from her dorm to her first class and had to sprint to get there on time.

She arrived to her first class, English 100, sweaty and a little less enthused. Thankfully, she was also not late. She just barely made it into a seat a few rows back from the front of the small lecture hall before the professor walked in, arms brimming with a stack of syllabi. After she hurriedly got out her planner, notebook, and pens, Eleanor gathered her mane of dirty blonde curls up into a messy bun at the back of her head and pulled out her glasses. 

“Good morning, everyone,” the professor began. “Welcome to English 100, I'm Professor Callaghan. You can call me Mike or Professor Mike if you'd like,” he added. Eleanor felt a little jolt of surprise; she wasn't used to teachers being so casual with their students. 

I guess there's a lot to get used to about college, she thought with a smirk. 

She looked back to Professor Callaghan and took notes as he went over the syllabus that was now being passed through the room. Professor Callaghan was younger than Eleanor expected a professor to be, probably in his mid- to late-thirties, but he definitely dressed how she imagined an English professor would: slacks, button-down shirt, and a jacket with elbow patches to pull it all together. He had dark brown hair that he kept short, but Eleanor could tell was naturally curly, but she couldn’t tell what color his eyes were even though she was close to the front of the lecture hall. She couldn’t lie - he was pretty cute for a teacher. 

“I know for a lot of you, English is not your favorite subject,” he began. “For a lot of you, these first two semesters of your college career might be the last English courses you take, so I want you to know that I am going to try to make these at least a little fun for you,” he added sincerely. He had a warm smile on his face and Eleanor got the feeling that he was definitely going to be a favorite professor of hers.

“Are we going to have to read a lot?” a male voice from the back of the room called out. Eleanor rolled her eyes, but was surprised to see the professor smiling in response to the question and not annoyed like she assumed he would be.

“Well, yes, this is a literary analysis course,” Professor Callaghan said with a slight chuckle, “but I've adjusted the curriculum and tried to add a few contemporary options that I think even non-readers will enjoy.” Eleanor quickly scanned the list and instantly recognized some of the older titles from books she had read either in school or on her own. She realized with a hint of surprise that she didn’t recognize most of the more contemporary titles. After the initial shock wore off, she was excited for the class.

“We are going to start with short stories and then we will work our way up to reading longer novels,” he went on. “When you check the reading list, you’ll see that my selections are a mix of older and newer stories just like with the novels, but I am hoping that some of you will still enjoy some of the old stuff.” He said this with a rueful grin that Eleanor couldn’t help but mimic. She had always preferred reading older books over new releases any day, especially if they were used copies. She wasn’t sure what it was that she liked best about the classics. When her classmates found Shakespeare or Victorian novels difficult to read, Eleanor found herself reading with ease. Each one had a special way of transporting the reader back to its time with the language it was written with and she found it all magical.

A girl in the row ahead of Eleanor raised her hand. When Professor Callaghan nodded in her direction, she asked, “I don’t see any other exams other than the final, so how are we going to be graded?” 

“Great question,” he said. At this point in the lecture, Professor Callaghan tossed his jacket across the back of his chair and then started to roll up the sleeves to his button-down shirt. Even though it was early September, the warmth of summer lingered, especially in a full lecture hall. “Instead of giving you guys a lot of quizzes and tests on the material, we’re going to have class discussions---” This statement was met with groans from some of the people in the lecture hall, but again Professor Callaghan was not bothered. “I know, and to make it worse, I’ll even ask you to write essays, but you’ll get to choose your topics on a few of them.” 

He glanced at his watch. “And that’s all the time we have for class today,” he said. “No homework for the first day and I’ll see you guys on Wednesday.” Before his sentence had even ended, the lecture hall erupted with activity and noise that drowned out the end. Eleanor took her time packing up her things and slung her bag across her shoulder. Once the lecture hall had cleared out a bit more, she shuffled out and took out her phone. It was almost noon and she didn’t have her next lecture for another two hours. 

I’ll have to schedule my classes closer together next semester, she thought to herself as she walked through the crowded hall. She looked around for a sign to help her get her bearings and soon was on the elevator heading down to the main level. 

Once she was outside of the building that housed the majority of the humanities courses, Eleanor turned left and made her way toward the center of campus where the student org building and dining hall were located. The afternoon sun blazed against her pale, freckled skin as she dug around her bag for her sunglasses; she was already looking forward to the chilly weather that was only a few weeks away. Seemingly unaware or not bothered by the heat, campus was a flurry of activity everywhere Eleanor looked. As she crossed the expansive courtyard toward the dining hall, she saw students talking or studying on blankets in the grass, others kicked a soccer ball back and forth. “On your left,” a voice came from behind and an instant later a guy on a longboard whizzed past her and out of view. 

Jackass, Eleanor thought with a roll of her eyes and then went up the steps into the dining hall.

The dining hall was one of Eleanor’s favorite buildings on campus - and that wasn’t just because that was one of a handful of places to get food on campus. She loved it because it was one of the oldest buildings left and the university had gone to great pains to maintain its original design even though some renovations were inevitable over the course of the school’s 150-year history. The result was slightly Great Hall-esque, like in Harry Potter only on a slightly smaller scale. There were four long dark wooden tables that went the length of the hall. Instead of chairs, long benches stretched alongside the tables and Eleanor knew that they could fit everyone inside if they absolutely needed. Coming off of the dining area at various points like spokes on a wheel were smaller rooms where all the rest of the work was done: the food serving area, the kitchens, and the recycling station where the students also dropped off their dirty dishes. 

Eleanor walked into the first of the rooms on her left and scanned the menu that was posted outside the door for the special. The dining hall served some dishes all the time like pizza, cereal, salads, and pasta just in case students were either picky eaters or had other restrictions, but the special was what Eleanor looked forward to. Back home, her mom would cook the same rotation of meals - burgers, pork chops, casseroles. In contrast, each day the dining hall served something new and Eleanor noticed in the first week she was on campus that the specials tended to be more diverse cuisines than she was used to, but had always wanted to try. 

Today’s choice: traditional Japanese-style ramen. After reading the description, Eleanor walked in with her stomach growling and mouth watering. She got into the ramen line behind a group of students and waited her turn to get her meal. She glanced at the girls ahead of her. Eleanor wasn't sure which floor they stayed on or their names, but she remembered seeing the two girls on move-in day. The girl closest to Eleanor's right was about her height with brown hair and eyes. Her skin was still tanned from the summer and she wore a simple yellow sundress to battle the heat that still lingered. She was beautiful, there was no denying that, as she talked in an animated voice to the girl on her left, a roommate of hers Eleanor guessed. 

The roommate seemed ordinary in nearly every way. She had long, straight dark hair and stormy eyes which contrasted with her light skin. She was a little shorter than Eleanor who only stood at five foot six. She dressed simply: just jeans and a t-shirt with sneakers. Eleanor didn't even know the girl's name, but there was something about the roommate that stood out to her. It was just a feeling, but it made Eleanor want to get to know her if Eleanor wasn't so shy. 

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket which broke her from her thoughts on the girl. She pulled out her phone and saw she had a text from her mom. It was short, just a message wishing her a good day and a heart emoji. Eleanor smiled despite the wave of homesickness that washed over her. Even though she was thrilled to be at school and she talked a big game of being excited to be away from home, being three hours away from anyone and everything she’d ever known was a little difficult. It didn’t help that it had been two weeks since she had moved into her dorm and she still didn’t really have friends. She hoped now that classes had started, her luck in that department would change. 

She quickly responded back to her mom, saying she was having a great day and would call her later to tell her about her first day of classes. Eleanor grabbed her ramen and a water, and then made her way into the Great Hall-esque dining hall. She scanned the room for a place to sit and found a secluded spot along the eastern side of the dining hall. Eleanor passed by the group of five she had seen earlier, but kept her eyes on her tray. 

Once she made it to the spot she had scoped out, Eleanor ate alone with her nose in a book and headphones in. Even though she didn’t glance toward their table again, she almost felt like she could feel at least one pair of eyes on her...

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TBR: Soul-Centered Astrology: A Key to Your Expanding Self by Alan Oken

Yet another TBR that I am diving into soon, I have to say I am probably the most excited about this one.

I know that being "into astrology" is a whole thing right now, but I can honestly say that I have been absolutely fascinated with astrology from a young age. My family, especially on my dad's side, has a very strong tie to astrology and I believe a few family members could be considered cosmic witches really. When I was born, my birth chart was already made up for me and there has always been talk about how my sun sign (Taurus) has an effect on my day-to-day.

That being said, I have always felt a call to astrology, but until now I haven't delved past the very basics. And I definitely haven't considered how I can try to apply astrology to my life on a wider scale.

I am hoping that I can change that by reading this book and getting a more in-depth knowledge. Described on Goodreads as "[f]rom the best selling author of Alan Oken's Complete Astrology, a dynamic new way to interpret the horoscope -- the first to reveal the soul's path to inner enlightenment and outer fulfillment", I can't wait to explore astrology more.

Are you into astrology at all? What are your must-reads? 

Also, what are your Big Three?

I'm a Taurus Sun, a Virgo Moon, and a Leo Rising!

TBR: "The Silence of the Lambs" by Thomas Harris

"She is Clarice Starling, young, vulnerable FBI trainee. He is Hannibal Lecter, brilliant, evil genius. There is a mesmerizing struggle between good and evil--designed to stop a killer, and guaranteed to chill your blood."

So reads the back cover of the next book on my To Be Read list The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris.

I could not be more excited to finally dive into this classic 1988 horror/thriller novel. Like most millennials, my introduction to Silence of the Lambs came from seeing the 1991 film of the same title, starring Jodie Foster and Sir Anthony Hopkins, when I was 13 or 14. And like most 13-year-olds who watched the film, I loved it. It was dark and creepy, and so very 90's - that green coat Clarice wears the whole time is iconic.

Aside from enjoying the movie when I was younger, my love for true crime has recently been rekindled, so of course when I found this at my favorite indie bookstore downtown, I had to add it to my collection.

Overall, The Silence of the Lambs has 4.17  out of 5 stars according to the novel's Goodreads page and a lot of the people on my friends list were not afraid to rate it 5 out of 5. That has me incredibly excited that the novel lives up to the expectations that the movie has set in my mind - however, I am equally excited to see the differences and enjoy it in word form.

Have you read The Silence of the Lambs before, or seen the movie? Did you love it? Hate it?

Let's chat about it!